the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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