Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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