Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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