i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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