We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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