maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
