I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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