i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
