HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
