Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
