Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
