then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
