I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
