so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
