I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
