I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
