I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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