If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
