i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
