I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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