Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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