OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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