So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
