He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
