I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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