You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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