he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
