So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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