I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
