Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So. Much. Porn.
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