How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
