You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
