Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
