I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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