I'll bet she douches with gravy.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
