If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
