I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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