dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
