I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
