If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
