so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
