but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
