The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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