the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
