perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
