Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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