I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
