the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
