If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
