The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
