someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i dont even know how to be here
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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