There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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