that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
