Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
