Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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