whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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