just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
