I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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