She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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