Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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