I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
